Monday, April 13, 2015

Why I love solo dancing but not partner dancing

A couple days ago, our ESL school had a formal dance/prom.  Being on the activities committee, I helped with the planning and decorations.  I didn't do a whole lot, honestly, mostly because this was my first time on the committee, so I didn't really know what to do.  My big contributions were stringing a bunch of balloons together (which everyone was weirdly impressed with even though it involved almost no skill o.O) and toasting the baguettes.  Both tasks forever and were quite tedious, but I was happy to earn the extra pay I received for helping with these activities.

Our theme was black and white with the slogan "A night under the stars."  Eh, not the most original, but being on a budget, we couldn't be too elaborate.  We added a bit of gold for color.  Again, not very creative, but I was impressed with what we were able to do considering our limitations!

Trash bags put to good use!  We also ended up using trash bags as table cloths because we forgot to buy some.  :b  No one noticed!

We turned out the lights so that the room was only illuminated by the Christmas lights during the dance.

That string of balloons was mostly done by me.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *arm flail*

Now, even though this dance was mostly for the benefit of the students, I could not help but be excited because I love getting dressed up and dancing.  I decided to wear a formal black dress, a form fitting layered dress that split in the front to show off my legs, but its most distinctive feature was definitely the jeweled sheer sleeve on one side.  It is indeed a beautiful dress, and I got tons of compliments on it.  Although other students and teachers wore prom-like elegant floor-length dresses, I think mine stood out because it wasn't a prom dress but it was definitely classy, formal, and sexy.  The moment I walked out onto the dance floor in my dress and sparkling silver heels (right after toasting all the baguettes), all heads turned toward me.  I wish I was exaggerating because it was kind of embarrassing, especially with the whistles and compliments that followed, but it was also quite flattering.  I guess I made a good choice!

The only thing I regret is that I wore too much blush!  It was an accident, but by the time I realized it, it was too late.  I would have to start over if I wanted to fix it, so I just hoped that the dark light of the room would make it less noticeable.  Blush is definitely NOT something you want to overdo when wearing full make-up as it can make you look kind of silly or clownish, so I felt quite embarrassed for making that mistake.  It's just so easy a mistake to make, though.


Anyway, onto my main topic of interest, I was of course the first to start dancing as always.  I waited a couple minutes after entering the room because I was a little embarrassed about the attention I had received just from entering, so after composing myself, I went back to the middle of the room and began dancing.  Very quickly, my colleagues joined me, seeing what I was trying to do.  As with every dance, someone usually has to start in order to get everyone else comfortable enough to join in.  That's what we did.  One of my students joined us shortly after, and eventually after about half an hour, a decent amount of people were on the dance floor which was when I first decided to take a break because when I dance, I really dance, so I was hot and thirsty already.

But oh, how fun it is to dance.  I used to be awkward about dancing when I was younger.  I was embarrassed, afraid of making a fool of myself, afraid of people staring at me or thinking I look stupid.  The day I realized that people actually admire those who allow themselves to let loose and really dance is the day I started to actually enjoy dancing.  It was also the day I realized that dancing is not about being social.  Dancing is about relieving stress and tension, about losing yourself in your favorite music, about feeling sexy and beautiful.

At least, that is what it is to me.  For that reason, I absolutely love solo dancing.  I love only focusing on my movements, doing whatever I want without restriction, and not caring about anything but the music.  On the other hand, I despise partner dancing.  It makes me very uncomfortable, and I don't enjoy it at all.  When I dance with a partner, I cannot focus only on the music and myself.  I must concentrate on specific dance moves and make sure I don't trip over my partner.  I have to worry about what he's going to do, if he'll approve of what I'm doing.  Also, it's simply too intimate for me, and I only like being intimate with someone I am actually in a committed relationship with.  Ultimately, it actually increases my stress and tension rather than relieve it, so I just can't stand it.  People are always shocked when I admit that I love dancing but hate dancing with a partner.  It's just something they can't seem to comprehend.  I try to explain it as best as I can, but I don't try too hard because honestly, it doesn't matter to me if they don't understand it.

Anyway, at the dance, I was asked several times to dance by students.  I decided some time ago that I would no longer do anything that doesn't make me feel good, so I declined each request.  I couldn't really tell them why since it was so loud in there, but many gave the typical response to rejection: "Come on, I'll teach you!  You just follow me!"  They don't know that that is the exact reason why I hate partner dancing!  I don't want to learn anything or to follow anyone.  I want to let loose and do my own thing!

I'm reminded of another thing that guys often try to do at these events.  They will actually try to have conversations!  First of all, I come to dance, not talk, and second of all, I can't hear them!  It is actually quite frustrating, and I no longer actually try to carry a conversation.  I just point to my ears and shrug to show that I can't hear them and carry on with dancing.  They can catch me off the dance floor if they really care to get to know me is what I've decided, and usually, they don't really care.

So, that's my view on dancing.  For many it might be a social thing, and that's totally fine, but that's not what it is for me.  Some might wonder why I bother getting dressed up and dancing in such a way that draws attention if attention from others isn't what I want.  The truth is that I do enjoy feeling sexy, beautiful, and desired which is why I like looking nice and dancing, but I never try to lead anyone on.  I don't make eye contact or try to catch the attention of anyone specific.  It's just to boost my own self-esteem.  I appreciate it when guys ask me to dance, but I always decline because it would go against the very reason I dance in the first place if I accept.  I know it might hurt their feelings, but I've kind of decided that it's no longer worth my own feelings just to boost the self-esteem of other people.

I wonder if others feel the same way?  I seem to have trouble finding them.  :b

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